In The Label.

Erna Schein Frontman

You’ve heard that familiar anecdote about how “art” supposedly imitates “life.” Rather, is it how the concept in question, can account for the two familiar nouns being switched in order to ask a completely different question? Like many of the things I tend to stress, I’m asking you to ruminate over the idealogical phrase on your own time. One thing I am not qualified for, is the answering of rhetorical questions; sad as it may seem, I cannot divulge upon the uncertainties of art, or, with that in mind, will not create a forum for philosophical jackals. What I would say, is observe, portray and most importantly...enjoy. You know now what I’m talking about. Don’t ever think because you have seen the Mona Lisa, a true Rembrandt, or have illegally inherited a Da Vinci sketch, that you know a good label when you see it. There’s a harsh reality to the fact that most people feel good about purchasing something that has an ornate, if not, a somewhat illustrious piece of bottle artwork. I’m not speaking derisively, it’s a fact, that more people should be considering contents over content.  

Sure, It’s pretty, maybe even regal enough to stand-in for those tchotchkes found in the world’s great parliaments, but is the wine actually good? I’ve debated this too many times to ever consider caring anymore. However, I do not disagree with a product that has all the splendor of a Sgt. Pepper’s emblem, or a ruddy, incomprehensible square of soggy paper, loosely affixed to its base. Sure, there’s a lot of good marketing in a cover, but once they’ve caught your eye, does it matter? Yes and no. The chief thing to understand is that the price is good and your local winemonger knows you’ll like it. Sure, there are some obvious choices aside from those “gag bottles” like “Cheapskate, Il Bastardo” and “Fat Bastard,” but we’ll leave those to the nation’s first wine comedian. In fact, the joke is falling on you, because out of the three, the single item you probably wouldn’t buy, may be the one you actually wanted in the end. 

There are plenty of oddball labels and such, but none probably more than you would find from Sine Qua Non. Some of which, like “The Line” and “B20” suggest unmitigated indulgence and insanity. Some, even include pictures and idioms that E.E. Cummings would be proud of. Or, maybe, if you’re familiar, Ralph Steadman has created many novel portraits for beer barons and wine gurus alike. His violently illustrations have won him particular controversy with names like “Cardinal Zin,” featuring the likeness of the most venerated person in the papacy. Not only that, his interpretation of the “Old Bastard” came around with a Shiraz from none other than Kaesler Vineyards. Nonetheless, there is no reason why names like these should be ignored, but their artwork becomes washed away in rills of phenomenal wine.                       

Various Sine Qua Non Labels

Don’t get me wrong, there’s a profusion of great things coming from vintners who choose the matte-white business card style, or build the intricacies behind a photoshopped ‘superlabel.’ Some like “Far Niente, or half of every Chateau denison in Bordeaux thinks there’s some elegance needed to undermine the kitschiness lurking in many art departments. Even if a bottle is painted, malformed, or laughably obtuse, knowing the producer still seems to be the most important aspect in our experiences and interpretations. Like an art dealer embarking on a good career, it’s really not what the piece resembles, but rather, who made it. 

I would no sooner trash the ominously goofy labels on a Ken Wright Pinot Noir, than the single Frontman pictured by Erna Schein, but there are some bottles which are obviously too avant-garde in terms of flavor profile, despite their outside appearance. Some would like to think there’s an actual spirit, or  consequential nature to the visual interpretation of a product, by way of its actual taste and mouthfeel. Maybe so, but there’s nothing that’s going to prove to me that the likeness of a Red Lion, or a giant rooster has the right to fairytale its way onto my palate and into my pocket. 

Watch out "Rubin Czar Lazar", you’re funny, but not that funny....

Brian Maniotis

Westchester Wine Warehouse Team

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